At birth life handed me options
To come out with significance or an expiration date
At three life again gave me an option
To live with decay or throw it away
With heaven aide it seems like the past played with the strings of destiny
Destroying everything that made me
From my cousin in the closet
About being a compulsive fire starter
Until she started a fire in the closet she hid in
To my eldest brother walking out on my mother when my father beat her
Leaving a feeble girl as our family protector
God then developed a sense of humor
Because the same man that constantly threatened to kill her
if she leaves him;
developed symptoms that told him his time would soon expire
The effective aide, AIDS have
A family cured of a monster while it spread one amongst us
This irony killed the hierarchy
Time passed and so did everything around me
I was standing still and witnessed everyone fall about me
Then someone woke me and spoke one day I'd live to rule
As long as I paid attention to rules
Though nothing comes easy
I traveled from orphanage to home
And back numerous times
Ridiculed for belonging to no one
I fostered a hatred as a foster child
Self-control created an uncommunicative mind state
a cynical self-absorbed hate
My self-hatred inflated
Preservation deflated
I learn to run
And hide
I learn to live outside,
And inside my mind
I became the ruler of my world
And broke all the rules I was forced to follow
I took to the night
Because light was to heavy to swallow
I tried to drown the sorrow
I guess the water was to shallow
……
Then a blessing was born in fallow
emotions swarmed me;
To much to bottle.
I now speak with a different tune
however at times revert to the old melody
… my cup of tea, this is what keeps me until morning, writing.
